ATS Arrests Ravindra Jadeja for Delhi HC Blasts

The Anti-Terrorist Squad (ATS) has arrested Indian cricketer and legendary T20 performer, Ravindra Jadeja, in the wee hours of Wednesday for allegedly masterminding the Delhi HC bombings. The ATS has declared that it has acted on information from the Research & Analytics Wing. In a press conference later on in the day, Home Minister P. Chidambaram has said that his public statement, just after the blast, concerning "no-clue" about the terrorists, had been the clincher. "We wanted the terror mongers to become complacent, so that we can catch them napping." Eventually, Ravindra Jadeja was caught napping literally at the Mumbai Airport, in time, before leaving the country, on the pre-text of playing for Swaziland, since his cricket career in India was not taking off. A seemingly distraught Jadeja, however, refused to hide his face from the cameras, as he is often found to do after cricket matches. However, India TV, the bane of all that is corrupt in the country, has reported that this is a desperate last ditch effort on part of the government to save its face, being plagued by the opposition for not being able to put an end to terrorism. The channel has boldly stated that the arrest was a gimmick and was based on 'negative public sentiment against an individual' - a survey which had put Jadeja at the 12th position, behind 11 politicians, who were all already in jail. The channel informed that this was done in order to ensure minimum public backlash, in case any terrorist outfit eventually claimed responsibility for the attack. When a particularly intrepid India TV reporter managed to ask Ravindra Jadeja if this could be true, the player did not comment but looked highly irritated, possibly for having missed a spot in the first 11, even in this case. However, after overcoming the initial shock he declared that he is still available for selection and is hopeful that wikileaks would prove his innocence. In the meanwhile he is hoping to play for Tihar XI, a team which has recently shot up in the glamour charts. A characteristically cool Mahendra Singh Dhoni has said that though it would never be possible to completely compensate for Jadeja's absence, express fast bowler Joginder Sharma is the natural choice as his replacement. 

Venkatesh Prasad caught stalking Varun Aaron

In an unprecedented incident, Indian Fast Medium (ok, Medium Slow) bowler Venkatesh Prasad, widely regarded as the 'Pace Assassin', was interrogated by the police, for allegedly stalking rising fast bowler and newly inducted member of Team India, Varun Aaron. It has been reported that, when confronted, the yesteryear seamer, who wanted to be in every batsman's good books, had readily confessed to the police, but had gone on to say that his actions were for the general benefit of the game and of the country. He had passionately dictated to the police that it is a crime to let an Indian bowler bowl at the opposition, at speeds greater than 150 kmph, referring to Varun Aaron, who recently clocked 153 kmph and has since then lived in constant fear of Venkatesh Prasad. Prasad had even gone on to say that such aggressive bowling is not in sync with the country's overall peace-loving image and is in direct contradiction with Gandhiji's principles. Prasad, who in his hay day, could surprise and trouble even the best batsmen with his stock delivery, the faster one, informed the police that his intentions were to eventually take Varun Aaron under his wing and 'develop' him into a successful 'Indian' fast bowler. Aaron could not be traced for his comments, but it is expected that he would be relieved. However, comments from the cricketing fraternity were mixed. When sought out for his comments, Ravi Shastri said: "Since Harbhajan Singh is woefully out of form, this might just be a blessing in disguise and help India develop a quality spinner." Munaf Patel, touted as a transformed bowler and the greatest protégé of Venkatesh Prasad, could not comment, as he failed to understand the question, even after repeating thrice. Zaheer Khan was spotted in a pub, but when asked to comment, failed to recollect knowing either Prasad or Aaron. However, Arjuna Ranatunga has voluntarily expressed his comments to the media: "I have always said, Kapil Dev, Imran Khan, Venkatesh Prasad."